“Everyone asks me why I’m so content. I’m my f*cking self,” Brynn Whitfield tells me, huddled up on a velvet blue sofa downstairs in the Lessen East Side’s Community Lodge. It’s 9:45 p.m. on a Tuesday, and EDM music is participating in loudly from the speakers. I have pulled the Serious Housewives of New York star absent from a flirty conversation with two strangers to discuss about intercourse and courting, and all the matters she needs she’d acknowledged when she was more youthful.

Whitfield is in this article to rejoice the upcoming rebrand of Feeld, a dating app that caters to individuals searching for non-regular relationships. It’s a platform she says she’s extended admired and was fired up to perform with. “I’m sex constructive, and I enjoy looking at people being correct to themselves, but undertaking it with integrity, regard, and safety,” the 36-calendar year-outdated tells Elite Each day. “If we all subscribed to that, we’d be in a a great deal happier, freer place.”

She follows this up with, “You can be into BDSM and be an upstanding citizen. Don’t overlook to vote!” — a mantra that rivals her renowned “I’ll date your dad” RHONY tagline, which made her a patron saint of messy solitary girls just about everywhere.

The Time 14 star is not the youngest RHONY cast member, but you’d never ever guess it primarily based on her consistent silly quips and self-deprecating humor. Whitfield may possibly be a self-proclaimed “trophy spouse in coaching,” but she’s also navigated her reasonable share of genuine love and heartbreak, likely from becoming a “serial monogamist” in her 20s to fortunately solitary and flourishing.

Down below, she shares her tricky-won wisdom with Elite Daily, and reveals why she thinks weirdness is a flirting superpower.

Elite Day by day: What is your best piece of assistance for dating in your early 20s?

Brynn Whitfield: Have enjoyment. I am not saying really don’t get into a critical relationship, but I’m also variety of stating that — your 20s are a good time to be exploratory mainly because you alter so considerably.

I was wild throughout my to start with semester of school. I just about flunked out, I woke up on the entrance garden of a fraternity house… I was a great deal. Then I achieved a really nice Turkish prince and we fell in adore and became very studious. I finished up currently being in that relationship for seven several years.

Currently being a serial monogamist in my 20s clarifies a great deal about my 30s — why I have been having exciting vs . determining alongside an individual else. If you drop in really like, you fall in enjoy, but consider the option to learn about on your own in the meantime. Make out with everybody. Use tons of condoms. Go out with your girls additional. Be on your own.

ED: And what sexual intercourse information would you give to an individual that age?

BW: Know the intercourse you’re possessing is undesirable. If you and your associate are equally 23, neither of you actually is familiar with what you’re performing. I believed I was fantastic at sex and that the fellas I was with were being good at it, way too. But no, it was all undesirable.

That changed significantly when I realized it could be about enjoyment somewhat than obsessing more than irrespective of whether I looked incredibly hot or my cellulite was showing. It changed the expertise for my partners, also — they are much more into it when you are.

The best point a person can have is a social media profile exactly where he’s not next everyone and never posts.

ED: You’re famously fantastic at flirting. How do you flirt on an application, where the discussion can often experience stilted?

BW: Very first of all, it can be a dating application and you’re messaging and it is really uncomfortable. So just respond with something totally irrelevant that tends to make zero feeling. See if they can go alongside with it and banter. If he is saying, “How’s your day?” Respond with a little something like, “Oh my God, this monkey explained the craziest point to me.” Be nonsensical.

If they catch on, then it is a link and you can say, “Hey, let’s get a drink.” And then when you occur jointly IRL, you currently have inside of jokes.

ED: What’s a thing on a relationship profile that gives you an quick ick?

BW: When cis males have selfies with their shirts off. Don’t choose a selfie. The best point a man can have is a social media profile the place he’s not next any one and under no circumstances posts.

It can be a turn-on when all his images are certainly cropped from weddings or other activities. I’m like, “Thank you for only having pictures that other people took of you.” Individuals are all green flags.

ED: Any advice for the ladies who want to get out there this winter season but are burnt out on dating (not to point out the cold and darkish weather conditions)?

BW: Do not be concerned to just take time off from courting. Every time I have taken time to get the job done my *ss off, make additional cash, get hot, see my good friends, and keep inside, I’ll be f*cking flourishing, and then an wonderful male will come my way. Be watchful, since the second you happen to be really satisfied with not on the lookout — that’s when a thing arrives in.

So continue to be in this drop and winter season if you want. Read, prepare dinner, paint, do a lot of feminine electrical power things, research, just take a workshop, rewatch every single year of Gossip Lady.

ED: We were being conversing to Tinx not long ago about her relationship technique this fall, which is to get laid or lay down. That sounds kind of like what you are suggesting.

BW: Just. I am either receiving laid or finding paid out. You know I’m not obtaining laid appropriate now, mainly because I’ve been functioning and doing sh*t nonstop.

ED: So it is really a trade-off.

BW: Yeah. [laughs] It feels so fantastic to genuinely be material with being solitary. There was a long time when that was the only thing in my lifestyle I didn’t like about myself, and it was trying to keep me down. The 2nd I stopped caring and chose to be Ok with it, all I felt was joy and contentment, and almost everything started off coming jointly. It was the most liberating detail.

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.