Saturday morning and where else would we be but here, poring over the romantic lives of strangers? There\u2019s been an increase in older couples recently which can be good and bad news. Older people tend to know what they want \u2013 and are vocal about what they don\u2019t want \u2013 which can make for awkward reading, but often they also just think \u2018what the hell\u2019 and let go of all inhibitions. When you\u2019ve seen a few more sunrises than everybody else, it\u2019s not uncommon to care a lot less about being in bed before sunset.<\/p>\n
Today we have two daters who clearly thought \u2018f\u2022ck it\u2019 \u2013 Deborah, 65, an international property consultant, and Graham, 71, a musician. It\u2019s a boomer takeover, but will it be a banger?<\/p>\n Read what happened in full on the Guardian website<\/a> and return here as I wield my poison pen\/scalpel hybrid to dissect a few of the highlights.<\/p>\n Ah, do you remember the heady days of The X Factor<\/em> \u2013 which sadly ended in 2008 what the victory of Alexandra Burke and never returned \u2013 when there would be at least one secret application by a relative per series. Extra points if the relative was dead and had left a completed application form taped to the lid of their coffin, or had, seconds form gasping their last, called the contestants\u2019 hotline and put their lovely niece or nephew forward for auditions. If someone I knew submitted my profile to a national newspaper without my knowledge, I would sprinkle every carpet in their house with Lego and hide all their shoes.<\/p>\n Been a while since that\u2019s happened on a GBD. My excuse was always \u2018I have a deadline\u2019 or the devastatingly original, \u2018I\u2019m tired\u2019. Imagine going on a date with a 34-year-old who claimed to run 10 miles four days a week (this is a long time ago) only to have them tell you they\u2019re \u2018tired\u2019. Saying \u2018you\u2019re ugly and I\u2019d rather sit in porridge than listen to you\u2019 is almost kinder, less of an insult to the intelligence.<\/p>\n Y\u2019know, just by looking at the photos, I could tell Deborah had lateness energy about her. I can imagine her barrelling in, a whirlwind of apologies in a cloud of Quelques Fleurs, signalling to the waiter for a Salamandre Rouge with one hand, extending the other for Graham to peck. And good for her.<\/p>\n Graham\u2019s \u2018wow\u2019 is great too, isn\u2019t it? Wow in-fucking-deed. What else do we want from life \u2013 other than food, a stable income, and a new government \u2013 than for someone to think WOW when we walk into a room?<\/p>\n My stories went on too long\/all those subjects Graham lists<\/strong> \u2705\u00a0\u2013 Blimey. I suppose there\u2019s a lot to get through wen you\u2019ve got some extra decades behind you. Rather puts my \u2018So what have you been up to? Oh me? Yeah, same, nothing really\u2019 that I say whenever I haven\u2019t seen anyone for a while. Makes me realise, I *should* be getting up to something, before it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n Not particularly easy to fill conversations when you\u2026 can\u2019t really afford to do anything that might create topics for them, though, plus everyone knows their friends\u2019 movements from socials. This is why everyone keeps banging on about Succession<\/em> or Ted Lasso<\/em> \u2013 must-see television is the new \u2018stultifying holiday snaps of Mike and Judith scowling suspiciously into the heart of a plate of tortelloni\u2019.<\/p>\n I was VERY nervous about where this sentence was going to end up, but I should\u2019ve known someone wearing such an AMAZING scarf \u2013 I am very into scarves \u2013 would be a perfect gentleman, if a clumsy one. If I had more time, I would list all the things I imagine Deborah had in her bag, but I don\u2019t. At least three different bottles of perfume, and a couple of whisky miniatures, I hope.<\/p>\n I smell COLLABORATION on these answers. I suppose, if you got on, which they obviously did, you would do that. Seems obvious really. Make it as entertaining as possible, get a bit of attention, make sure everyone is on the same page spiritually as well as physically.<\/p>\n Impeccable? I see. Oh, the sharing. As Deborah says, \u2018it was more a matter of who was more masterly at taking their fair share\u2019. Truly the worst thing about sharing food is the faux politesse of taking, for example, the leftover meatball. \u2018Oh no, I insist\u2019 on and on and on like you\u2019re two knobheads on\u00a0Bridgerton<\/em>.<\/p>\n Deborah is, I think, exactly what men a generation up from me would call \u2018a handful\u2019. Like Holly in Breakfast at Tiffany\u2019s<\/em>, or Lorelei in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes<\/em>, or Gigi in, er, Gigi<\/em>. A handful is like the hot mess or the manic pixie dream girl of her day, but with much less baggage and also a greater grounding in reality. A handful is that sweet spot between the mythical cool girl and the absolute fucking nightmare. You overlook some of the bad behaviour because ultimately they have fun and always get served first at the bar. They are also gay icons.<\/p>\n Handfuls like Deborah are the glamorous middle-class aunties that little working-class gays like me used to dream about, who gives you your first taste of a cigarette (a green Sobranie), your first alcoholic drink (a gin martini), sings \u2018The Greatest Love of All\u2019 at you whenever you walk in the room, calls you handsome even though you\u2019re 13 and you look like a freshly regurgitated barn owl pellet, and tries \u2013 in vain but half-heartedly in the first place \u2013 to set you up with equally disinterested, tall and attractive nieces of their rambunctious gal pals, before, once they\u2019ve realised that *you* have now realised exactly what you are, introducing you to the \u2018lovely lad with the devastating cheekbones\u2019 who washes their golden-blond hair at their favoured salon, which they visit weekly. If these women do not actually exist then they should.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the best most straight men can hope for, tbh, Graham.<\/p>\n See? God bless the handfuls of the world. (Although I would love to have seen the faces of everybody else in the Groucho when this wanton display of LOOK AT ME was in progress. I like reading about this, but I wouldn\u2019t like to have experienced it.)<\/p>\n Well, there\u2019s always next time. Right? Right.<\/p>\n God, as much as I am happy for Deborah and Graham, reading this date has been like opening my favourite book only to find every word has been replaced by \u2018You\u2019re poor, did you know?\u2019<\/p>\n I don\u2019t think Deborah \u2013 Deb? Debs? I\u2019m guessing NEVER Debbie \u2013 meant to say \u2018taskmistress\u2019 there but isn\u2019t it exciting to see that word out in the wild? Graham\u2019s 9.5 seems like the more emotionally authentic score, whereas Deborah\u2019s is very much a rulebook 8. Nothing more than kissing, it can never be higher than an 8. She did add the qualifier \u2018solid\u2019, though, which helps.<\/p>\n Deborah\u2019s answer has such Daily Telegraph<\/em> energy here I feel like it\u2019s asking to see my passport. However, good luck to both of them, and here\u2019s to being a handful.<\/p>\n If you enjoyed this and feel able to, maybe\u00a0leave me a small tip on Ko-fi<\/a>. Subscribe to my weekly newsletter<\/a>.<\/p>\n The paperback of my third novel THE FAKE-UP arrives May. Preorder if you fancy, from Amazon<\/a>, Waterstones<\/a>, Bookshop.org<\/a>, or any retailer you like, really, just so long as you do.<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. If you\u2019re one of the daters, <\/i>get in touch<\/a><\/em>\u00a0if you want to give me your side of the story. \u00a0What was\u00a0the song? And what\u2019s your\u00a0favourite\u00a0fragrance? Thanks.<\/i><\/p>\n Graham and Deborah ate at Ottolenghi<\/a><\/em>, London, N1. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"Deborah](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Deborah-Graham-full-length.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Deborah<\/span> | Graham<\/span><\/h5>\n
What were you hoping for?
It was impossible not to speculate about a musical man whose loving daughter felt inclined to submit his profile to Blind Date.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat were you hoping for?
That\u2019s a difficult one, because I\u2019ve learned that setting one\u2019s expectations too high simply leads to disappointment. So I was hoping that I wouldn\u2019t have to make an excuse to leave early.<\/span><\/h5>\nFirst impressions?
I was 15 minutes late but Graham smiled and made up for lost time with rapid-fire questions and great listening skills.<\/span><\/h5>\nWow.<\/span><\/h5>\n
What did you talk about?
We started at the beginning and told each other how we both came to be sitting at that table \u2013 I\u2019m afraid my stories went on for too long.<\/span><\/h5>\nConversation was extremely easy, mainly because for the first 60 minutes Deborah talked without taking a breath. I learned about Canada, Italy and Norfolk. The steel industry. The Famous Five. The journey to Provence. Her family. Her career. Her misdemeanours. Her friendships. Her romances. Her attitude to life. But above all we talked about music, ranging from Beethoven to Bacharach to the blues\u2026 and beyond.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Most awkward moment?
Graham drove me home, leaned across the back seat to get me my bag, and the contents spilled everywhere.<\/span><\/h5>\nMost awkward moment?
We tried to make one up, and couldn\u2019t \u2026 unless, of course, Deborah was just being polite.<\/span><\/h5>\nGood table manners?
We shared almost every course. Subsequently, it was more a matter of who was more masterly at taking their fair share \u2013 but Graham politely allowed me seconds of everything.<\/span><\/h5>\nI didn\u2019t notice anything, which suggests they were impeccable.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>What do you think he made of you?
That I\u2019m a handful.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat do you think she made of you?
Somewhere between thinking I was a complete idiot and believing me to be the answer to her dreams.<\/span><\/h5>\nDid you go on somewhere?
Yes, to a club in Soho with a wonderful pianist.<\/span><\/h5>\nWe went to the Groucho Club and stayed until they threw us out. I have a vague recollection of Deborah standing on the stairs, overlooking the pianist and launching into a Whitney Houston \u2013 or was it a Dionne Warwick \u2013 song? She\u2019s got a great voice.<\/span><\/h5>\n
And \u2026 did you kiss?
Not this time.<\/span><\/h5>\nNo \u2026<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nIf you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
Having to get up so early the next morning to go to the airport.<\/span><\/h5>\nMove it to Provence.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Marks out of 10?
A solid 8, but I\u2019m a tough taskmistress.<\/span><\/h5>\n9.5.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Would you meet again?
Yes. I believe it was discussed before the evening was over. I live between Provence and the UK, and we are already planning Graham\u2019s trip to visit me in France.<\/span><\/h5>\nYes.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Please support my work<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nSomething to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n