Roll up, roll up as we slowly crawl toward the end of winter. Today we have Sam, 29, a therapist, and Yolanta, a 31-year-old advertising creative, both of whom drink a lot of bottled water, I imagine.<\/p>\n
Here they are from top to toe:<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n Read what happened on the Guardian website<\/a> \u2013 no mid-date selfie this week, I wonder what happened \u2013 and then return here for a light sprinkling of vinegar. Or sugar! I\u2019m versatile!<\/p>\n Ooh. Lateness. As regular readers may know, I\u2019m not a huge fan of it, especially on dates. Like most irrational, petty grudges, it comes from my own experience of being left sitting in underwhelming pubs waiting for dates to arrive while after-work drivers tipped Kronenbourg down their necks and had competitions to see how long they could passive-aggressively call each other \u2018mate\u2019 before a fight broke out. (Can you still get Kronenbourg, or have Peroni and Moretti and Madri finished it off?)<\/p>\n Anyway, I think I could forgive someone in a pink bustier anything, and it was only ten minutes (according to Yolanta) and the other first impressions are SO sweet \u2013 I like the \u2018calming energy\u2019 note especially \u2013 that it\u2019s a sign that when you get good vibes off someone it really doesn\u2019t matter how late they are.<\/p>\n Yolanta\u2019s ever growing list of talents\/My love for courses<\/strong>\u00a0\u2705\u00a0\u2013 Ah, they\u2019re doers, everyone. They do things. Extra-curricular. I always admire people like this (from afar, silently, with a glint of envy) because I don\u2019t do anything apart from write and read and throw a kettlebell in the air every now and again. I am both in awe of and suspicious of people who not only have time, but choose to fill it, with stuff that has nothing to do with the rest of their lives. When I still used to go to parties or friend people on Facebook, I\u2019d be amazed by these randoms dropping in details of the dance class they regularly attended, or the lido swimming they did, or pottery or macram\u00e9 or whatever. I\u2019d be like, \u2018Oh, poor you, is your sofa not comfortable?\u2019<\/p>\n Fixing up his houseboat, which looks epic<\/strong> \u2013 Isn\u2019t this the second houseboat owner in a row? Hang on, I\u2019ll go check. Yes, last week, Tyla lived on a boat<\/a>, so I wonder why she wants matched with Sam. Maybe they both stipulated \u2018no boat owners, one is enough\u2019. I suppose it\u2019s like those gay men who date someone completely identical \u2013 could never be me. First of all, I find myself semi-repulsive on about five days out of seven so I couldn\u2019t look at a doppelg\u00e4nger all day, and it\u2019s just nice to have something different, isn\u2019t it? Maybe if you\u2019re a boat dweller you crave a relationship with a regular house person so you can have a shower without having to hold onto a handle in case a jetski speeds past (not that you get those on canals, I guess), or, just once, you want to turn over in bed without knocking something off your bedside table and causing your entire house to rock for fifteen minutes.<\/p>\n Okay, so maybe he wasn\u2019t that cool with it after all. But, fair enough, being stood up on a Blind Date would\u2019ve been a nightmare (and has indeed happened, as you can find out in this piece I did for the Guardian years ago<\/a>).<\/p>\n I had a quick butchers at the restaurant website and their tagline is \u2018The Butcher\u2019s Theatre\u2019 and further down the website it says \u2018We like to call it the butchery with tables\u2019 which sounds to me like be that final nudge to vegetarianism I\u2019ve been crawling toward for years. The menu is basically MEAT and is terrifying. I don\u2019t know if this is the ideal venue for a first date \u2013 just reading the menu caused my right ventricle to fur over with lard \u2013 but as long as they enjoyed themselves.<\/p>\n I really like Yolanta\u2019s answer here. She\u2019s read the GBD column before and, like me, rolls her eyes at people who claim their coterie is far too chic and exclusive to handle any incomers. \u2018Yes of course I would, my friends aren\u2019t fucking idiots, and life is not an episode of Gossip Girl<\/em> or that baffling series of You<\/em> that\u2019s set in a fantasy version of South Kensington.\u2019<\/p>\n INTELLIGENT<\/strong>, like an AI programme trying to analyse a Guardian Blind Date but falling at the first hurdle because it doesn\u2019t explode at the mere mention of a negroni or a sharing platter. ADVENTUROUS<\/strong>, like a puppy who\u2019s worked out just how long you take to go to the toilet and how much of your house they can destroy in that time. I have NEVER forgotten someone saying to me, aged about 15, that I had tempestuous eyebrows. I\u2019ll be honest here and say it sounds like Yolanta might have been grasping for compliments, but maybe she doesn\u2019t believe in sitting there weighing up someone\u2019s physical attributes like they\u2019re a prize heifer at a county show.<\/p>\n Yolanta had a 5am call for a shoot, apparently, so no sambucas or aftershocks in a skeevy bar for them.<\/p>\n I know I usually say \u2018fgs just snog\u2019 to daters but I like Yolanta\u2019s vibe here. Especially now we live in a covid world, where bagging off with someone in the street may have deeper consequences. A few years ago, I might have said \u2018oh might as well\u2019 to many things but now I\u2019m a little more selective and perhaps even cautious. After a good two years of having little control over our own lives, maybe it\u2019s good sometimes to set your own pace.<\/p>\n I mean, if Yolanta did come to the date in that amazing pink bustier then, yeah, anyone is going to feel scruffy beside her. The exact phrasing of \u2018power an iron\u2019 fascinates me. Is there no electricity on the boat? \u2018Powering\u2019 it sounds quite specific, as if you have to let the charge swell, like those pads on an emergency crash trolley (you know the ones from Casualty where they scream \u2018CLEAR!\u2019) Anyway, as someone who falls in and out of love with ironing, I will concede that you should maybe run an iron over your Uniqlo separates when you\u2019re going on a date.<\/p>\n Shame Sam had to drag up the lateness again \u2013 it really does become something you can\u2019t get over if you let it \ud83d\ude2c\u00a0\u2013 but a 9 is a very high score for a date with no snog. Yolanta\u2019s 8 is the internationally agreed score for a very good date with no physical contact, so well done everybody.<\/p>\n A rom-com waiting to happen? Let\u2019s not rule it out\u2026<\/p>\n If you enjoyed this and feel able to, please support my work and\/or the running costs of this site by\u00a0leaving me a small tip on Ko-fi<\/a>. Please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber to my weekly newsletter<\/a>, which is not bad at all. Last week\u2019s edition talked about how relying on Facebook to keep us up to date with friends can have disastrous consequences<\/a>.<\/p>\n The paperback of my third novel THE FAKE-UP is coming in May. Preorder if you fancy, from Amazon<\/a>, Waterstones<\/a>, Bookshop.org<\/a>, or any other lovely retailer.<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. If you\u2019re one of the daters, <\/i>get in touch<\/a><\/em>\u00a0if you want to give me your side of the story. Do you\u2026 not own an iron?\u00a0Does it use up all your, errr, boat battery? I need to\u00a0know\u00a0how this\u00a0works just in case I write a houseboat into a novel one day.<\/i><\/p>\n Yolanta and Sam ate at Macellaio RC Soho<\/a>, London, W1. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n![\"Sam](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Sam-and-Yolanta.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Sam on Yolanta<\/span> | Yolanta on Sam<\/span><\/h5>\n
First impressions?
Stunning, great smile and worth the wait! She was a little late \u2026<\/span><\/h5>\nI was 10 minutes late and he was very early, but he was so nice and didn\u2019t make me feel bad about it. He had a calming energy and was easy to talk to.<\/span><\/h5>\n
What did you talk about?
Lots, we were there for four hours. Yolanta\u2019s ever growing list of talents: Danish stool making, scriptwriting, painting, magazine and film editing. And the time she met the Queen.<\/span><\/h5>\nHe\u2019s travelled to some really awesome places and so have I. Fixing up his houseboat, which looks epic. My love for courses \u2013 I showed him my scar from a recent woodworking class.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Most awkward moment?
I was quite early, and she was a little late, so I spent a fair while sat at the table alone wondering if I was about to be stood up for a Blind Date.<\/span><\/h5>\nGood table manners?
Impeccable.<\/span><\/h5>\nWe were as bad as each other: we didn\u2019t take ourselves too seriously.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Would you introduce them to your friends?
Yes.<\/span><\/h5>\nMy friends are inquisitive and emotionally intelligent, so they\u2019d get on like a house on fire.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Describe Yolanta in three words.
Intelligent, engaging, beautiful.<\/span><\/h5>\n
ENGAGING<\/strong>, like a TED Talk by Jake Gyllenhaal in a pair of yellow Orlebar Brown springer swim shorts. What\u2019s the talk about? Radiator maintenance. Bell jar bonsai. I don\u2019t know. Who cares?
BEAUTIFUL<\/strong>, like she is!<\/p>\nDescribe Sam in three words.
Adventurous. Kind. Empathic.<\/span><\/h5>\n
KIND<\/strong>, like the person at work who takes all the buttons and Euros out of the charity tin left on the reception desk before sending it over to the charity.
EMPATHIC<\/strong>, like Claire Rayner on TV-am, educating me about the perimenopause while I ate my Rice Krispies, rapt, before school. (We were talking about Claire Rayner last night, and what a kind voice she had. You don\u2019t hear many of those on TV now, do you? Everybody\u2019s screaming.)<\/p>\nWhat do you think Yolanta made of you?
Strong eyebrows apparently \u2026 I think that\u2019s a good thing?<\/span><\/h5>\nDid you go on somewhere?
No, but he walked me to the station in the freezing cold, which was sweet.<\/span><\/h5>\nAnd \u2026 did you kiss?
No.<\/span><\/h5>\nI don\u2019t kiss on the first date and he didn\u2019t try to, which I appreciated. I like to take things slow to be sure about the connection before anything physical.<\/span><\/h5>\n
If you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
I would have dressed up a little more. (I live on a boat and can\u2019t power an iron so felt a little scruffy.)<\/span><\/h5>\nHonestly, it\u2019s hard to think of anything.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Marks out of 10?
9. Loses a point for the late arrival, but otherwise a great evening.<\/span><\/h5>\n8.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Would you meet again?
Yes, we exchanged numbers.<\/span><\/h5>\nYes, we exchanged numbers.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/a><\/p>\nSomething to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n