Today, in the Guardian\u2019s lo-fi Tinder match, Bruno, 44, who works in aviation, meets Lydia, 36, a teacher. Works in aviation how, I wonder? Pilot? Cabin crew? Person who stands at the gate in a lurid necktie screaming \u2018SPEEDY BOARDING ONLY\u2019 on flight EZY053 to an airport 230 miles outside Stockholm? This shall remain cloaked in mystery.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s have a look at them:<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on with these poses. Lydia looks like she\u2019s running Batiste through her hair or trying to free a trapped wasp, which Bruno looks like he\u2019s about to produce the Ace of Diamonds from up his sleeve to a group of rapt grannies at the Four O\u2019Clock Club.<\/p>\n Either way, retire to the Guardian website<\/a> for the full story of what went down and then return here for a look at what we\u2019re probably all thinking.<\/p>\n Banter. Even the word is quite triggering, immediately evocative of 100 Smithys from Gavin and Stacey<\/em> and a single Olly Murs towel-whipping each other in the locker room of an Essex leisure centre.<\/p>\n If you want a fun evening different from dating via an app, might I suggest eating 10 hot dogs then taking a trip on Galactica at Alton Towers, or perhaps walking into the American Bar at the Savoy and asking for a snakebite.<\/p>\n \u2018Type.\u2019 Do you have a \u2018type\u2019? I\u2019m fascinated by this idea that we are drawn to a subset of partners and rarely stray from it. I don\u2019t think I have a type, I certainly ran through many subsets in my single years LOL, but I suppose my two major boyfriends I\u2019ve had are both Scottish with dark hair. Weird! Anyway, sorry for any spoilers but I think when Bruno says Lydia wasn\u2019t his normal type, he means that she spoke.<\/p>\n Work\/our jobs<\/strong> \u2705\u00a0\u2013 A teacher! A pilot (possibly)! It\u2019s like they both have the kind of job you\u2019d pick when you were 4. The dream!<\/p>\n Family\/our families<\/strong> \u2705\u00a0\u2013 On the whole a boring date topic if you ask me but I suppose it\u2019s one way of deducing whether they\u2019re related to a family of mass-murderers or the Rees-Moggs.<\/p>\n Disaster dates\/terrible past dates<\/strong> \u2705\u00a0\u2013 A third match! They really were listening. Or at the very least jostling for space in the conversation. This is the kind of chat you have when you know the date isn\u2019t going anywhere, imo. It\u2019s a conversation friends have, not lovers, unless you are characters in a rom-com and it furthers the plot. *sideways look to camera*<\/p>\n Her dad trying to match her with random guys he meets at his local Tesco<\/strong> \u2013 Lydia and her dad are characters in a new heartwarming movie coming this Christmas to the Hallmark Channel \u2013 Cupid Cleans Up in Aisle Three<\/em>. Sponsored by Tesco. Features Bill Nighy as Dad, Chelsee Healey as a wisecracking checkout girl, and every relatively masculine out-of-work gay unthreatening actor they could find that wasn\u2019t doing something else, as a series of rejected dates. Romantic lead played by whoever leaves Emmerdale<\/em> three weeks before filming begins. Guest starring Patsy Palmer as the ghost of Cilla Black.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t you? Isn\u2019t that how\u2026 most partings happen? What do you usually do, Lyds? Run alongside their train in floods of tears? Recite the lyrics to \u2018Right Here Waiting\u2019 (a number 2 smash for Richard Marx in September 1989 \u2013 I like to keep my references frrrrrrresh)?\u00a0(I know she means there was absolutely zero chemistry so there was no kiss or hug or anything, please don\u2019t write in.)<\/p>\n SMART<\/strong>, like the tailored suit you wore to an event that someone you don\u2019t know that well or really like said was \u2018dressy\u2019 only to find when you get there that everyone is in leopard-print Oodies and \u00a0slouch socks. CHATTY<\/strong>, like\u2026 ooooh a man getting called chatty. Behold the hen\u2019s tooth of the GBD column. Anyway, CHATTY, like someone who won\u2019t shut up. Diners on the next table:<\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to be mad to go on a Guardian Blind Date, but it helps.<\/p>\n This sounds like hard work, doesn\u2019t it? I\u2019m sure they are lovely, but these two are the kind of people I\u2019m always stuck behind in the queue for the post office, giving it full-life story to the clerk when all I want to do is buy a stamp.<\/p>\n People often go on about being extroverted or introverted, don\u2019t they? I suppose it\u2019s useful to understand yourself and apply it to your daily life, but also\u2026 all this analysing of every single thing we do and what it means. Pathologising your most mundane habits. I suppose I\u2019d never thought of how two extroverts might actually get on \u2013 I don\u2019t think about extroverts at all, unless I\u2019m trying to get away from one, in a bar. Are they saying, as extroverts, they need someone to just sit there and listen to them talk absolute shite all night? Is that how it works? God, LUCKY old introverts, eh? I\u2019m not entirely sure that\u2019s how things should work. If you want a rapt audience, go on TikTok.<\/p>\n But I get it, in a way, you want to compliment each other, not be locked in permanent battle for control. But maybe you could try meeting halfway? Maybe that\u2019s what an introvert-extrovert relationship does, one tempers the madness while the other coaxes them out of their shell. I don\u2019t know, I\u2019ve never really thought about myself in this way. Sometimes I am loud and chatty and sometimes I am not.<\/p>\n It sounds like Bruno and Lydia sat there like two hairdryers on full power, heat setting 3, blasting at each other until it was time to go home.<\/p>\n Sixes! Zeroes with benefits! Economy Plus! Homeopathic praise! Noughts in eyeshadow! Anyway, good luck to them. I hope they both find the meek and mild good listeners they\u2019re dreaming of.<\/p>\n Writing is the only way I earn money, so to support my work, consider leaving me a small tip on Ko-fi<\/a>. Become a free or paid subscriber to my weekly newsletter<\/a>, which is often great. I wrote about my catfishing shame this week<\/a>.<\/p>\n Please buy one of my books<\/a>.<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. If you\u2019re one of the daters, <\/i>get in touch<\/a><\/em>\u00a0if you want to give me your side of the story.\u00a0Lydia, if you\u00a0fancy\u00a0teaming up for a novelisation of\u00a0<\/i>Cupid Cleans Up on Aisle Three, hit me up. Bruno, please can you hook me up with free cabin baggage allowance? Cheers.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n Bruno and Lydia ate at Angelina, London E8<\/a>. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"Lydia](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Bruno-Lydia-full.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Bruno on Lydia<\/span> | Lydia on Bruno<\/span><\/h5>\n
What were you hoping for?
A night with someone special, with great food, wine and some banter.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat were you hoping for?
A fun evening that was different from dating via an app.<\/span><\/h5>\nFirst impressions?
She looked cool and was much more relaxed than me. She was not the type of woman I would normally date.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat did you talk about?
Family. Work. Her disaster dates. Her dad trying to match her with random guys he meets at his local Tesco.<\/span><\/h5>\nOur jobs \u2013 he travels a lot for work. Our families. Terrible past dates.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Most awkward moment?
When the waiter offered us wine and she said she was not drinking. It was a sacrifice, but I had to drink the whole bottle myself.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a><\/p>\nMost awkward moment?
The end was a bit awkward as you don\u2019t often just say bye to people and then walk in different directions.<\/span><\/h5>\nDescribe Lydia in three words.
Smart, self-assured, foodie.<\/span><\/h5>\n
SELF-ASSURED<\/strong>, like someone who slams down their credit card on the silver tip tray in a Bella Pasta with the confidence of someone who just became a major shareholder of BP.
FOODIE<\/strong>, like someone who eats something and goes \u2018nom\u2019 then tells you a boring fact about olive oil.<\/p>\nDescribe Bruno in three words.
Chatty, friendly, confident.<\/span><\/h5>\n
FRIENDLY<\/strong>, like the villagers always are to the lovely new couple who move in, until one of them coughs after midnight or asks \u2018So what happened to the little old lady who used to live in our strangely cold cottage? And what are those weird markings on the garden wall?\u2019
CONFIDENT<\/strong>, like a pair of roller-skates made out of Bodyforms.<\/p>\nWhat do you think they made of you?
Hopefully my name will not be added to her disaster-dates list.<\/span><\/h5>\nI\u2019d say he thinks I\u2019m outgoing. After some of the solo travel stories I told him, he probably thinks I\u2019m bonkers.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nDid you go on somewhere?
I half-heartedly said it would be silly to go for a nightcap as she was not drinking. She quickly agreed.<\/span><\/h5>\nNo, he offered but I had to be up early.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nIf you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
It was a nice evening, but no spark.<\/span><\/h5>\nWe are both extroverts and used to carrying the conversation, and Bruno said he asked for someone who was more introverted, which I think would have worked better.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Marks out of 10?
6.<\/span><\/h5>\nThe restaurant was amazing and Bruno was chatty and friendly. So 6.5.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\nSomething to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n